Obituary of Mary Lee Wisely

Mary Lee Barbee Wisely

72, of Fuquay Varina, passed away gracefully Saturday evening, January 30, 2010 with her family at her side. A native North Carolinian, she was born in Richlands on April 14, 1937 to the late Larry Crawford Barbee and Lucille Huffman Williams.

A successful accountant and educator in Fuquay and the surrounding communities, Mary Lee will be remembered as a generous, loving, loyal wife, mother, grandmother, friend and citizen. She had an artistic eye, a brave curiosity about life, and her greatest joys were her family, friends, gardening, travel, collecting "treasures", and giving to others.

She is survived by her children, Deborah Joy Kinton (husband Roger, son Daniel), Juanita Gay Russell (husband Michael, daughter Faith, sons Marcus and Jared), Michael Ray Wisely (wife Wendy, daughter Olivia), her sisters, Perry Rogers Addison (husband J.W.) and Susan Williams Dellinger (husband John) and their families.

She was also predeceased by her husband of 49 years, Raymond Eugene Wisely, his parents Mabel and Bill, (infant) daughter, Shirley Jo and her twin brother, Morris G. Barbee.

A second generation breast cancer survivor, memorial contributions may be made to Susan G. Komen for the Cure at www.komen.org

Eulogy For Our Mother: Mary Lee Barbee Wisely (as read by her son, Michael Ray Wisely, on February 4th, 2010)

Let me begin by thanking so many of you here today for coming to share in this celebration of our Mothers life.

There have been many times over the last 7 years when you have gathered together in support of our family. Because I live on the west coast with my family this is the first time I have joined you and we are honored by your presence. .and I'm honored for the opportunity to speak on behalf of one of the greatest influences on my life and the lives of my sisters.

Mary Lee Barbee Wisely

I was thinking as I put this together about the qualities that made my mother unique on this earth and with no illusions that she was any thing but human, she displayed an unshakable spirit when faced with the challenges that life throws at us.

Our mom had immense courage and life's events became opportunities to transform and re-invent who she was.

From wife to homemaker to working mother to business woman to grandmother to cancer patient to care-giver to widow, she led the way and embraced life.

She made these transformations and their requisite sacrifices and protected her children from their weight and she did it with an "elegance" that was uniquely hers.

As children in the Wisely family, you knew that you were loved. We heard it everyday and it came as easily as the laughs that reverberated through our household. Ray and Mary Lee were fun. We were active as a family and they were there with us every step of the way.

Mom was a scout leader, a substitute teacher, she was involved in our activities, our schools and we played togetherread togetherworked togetherhelped others together.

She instilled a sense of purpose, of civic duty, and she led by example.

As her sister, my Aunt Susan said to me recentlyMy mom loved being a mom.

Her Sister Perry has said that our parents were parents to her.

When mother knew that she was going into a very serious surgery last Wednesday, she told me over the phone that if she did not make it that she loved me and Wendy and Olivia and that she would be watching out for us. I told her that I loved her, that I had a really good feeling that everything was going to be fine, and that I had some advice.

She asked me what it was, and I said "don't walk towards the light", I need my Mammawe need our Mamma I was scared and so were my sisters, but we were optimistic and that kind of word-play was typical of my humor with her and of our respective relationships most of our lives. Around all types of trouble, even in grief, our mother and father gave us the gift of humor.

I can recall another time when she had breast cancer. My mother was in the hospital after her cancer re-surfaced and she had made the brave decision to sacrifice one of her breast to the disease in order to save her life my mother and I had a conversation then as well:

It was the first time anything really serious had threatened our family and it was very emotional. After we exchanged our "I love yous" and our "promises", I told her that I had one final request. She very solemnly said, "What is it son?" and I asked her through tears to "Keep me A-Breast of the situation". We both broke up laughing and it was a story that we had great fun with for many years after as she beat the cancer and remained cancer free until the day she passed.

Mary Lee Barbee Wisely also had a real sense of where she came from and her identity as a Barbee, as a Wisely and a Huffman(her mothers maiden name). We visited and kept in touch with all sides of our very large family trees. Mom seemed to know all the branches and she would tell us the family news at length when we would call herand because of the size of our extended familymost of the time we had no idea who she was talking about. We went to re-unions in Hominy Swamp and fish fries on Tryon Road. Camping and fishing with aunts and uncles and cousins and the "Chicken Lips" bar b q's at our house.

Everyone was welcome and invitedour doors were open for family and friendsand so were our lives.

We lost my father, Ray, in 2002 just 2 weeks after the birth of my Daughter Olivia. The cycle of life was asserting itself full force and for my mother it was the end of almost 3 years of helping her husband through a difficult cancer. It must have been incredibly painful for her and my sisters and I want to thank so many of you for the support and love you showed her during that time.

Through it allMary Lee Barbee Wisely displayed love, confidence and integrity to her children, layered with just enough vulnerability to help us with the struggles we faced in our own lives.



In her years as a widow she re-invented herself once again and while still being every inch the person we loved and needed, she asserted her spirit of independence to became a bold world traveler. We were surprised and, after our initial shock at her itinerary , we took pleasure in her adventures.

We are very thankful to her traveling companion and life-long friend Beverley Lodge for her part in bringing out this new side of our mother.

Along with many of you and her "faith", our mother had a great base from which she drew strength.

That was our mother, your grandmother, your sister, your cousin, aunt, your friend and in-lawshe had spirit and she was strong and she played and danced and gave and helped and served and laughed and hugged and loved often. There are probably very few of you who did not witness most of her best qualities. She gave of them freely and she did for many.

She had another best friend in her oldest daughter, our sister Debbie. She was the child that stayed near and their relationship was a comfort to our mother and to Juanita and I.

Together with my father, her sisters, our loving in-laws and all of you, Mary Lee Barbee Wisely lived a loving and beautiful life.

Just not quite long enough...for us.

One of the last things that mother said to my sister Deborah while she waited to go into surgery was that "she was going to be alright". "No Regrets darling", she said, "celebrate my life".

The family would like to thank all of for being a part of this celebration and for your part in helping Mary Lee forge a life with "No Regrets".